My advocacy is showing again

This post needs to be started off with a trigger warning - tw for short. That's how we used to abbreviate the term when it started in my chat rooms years ago. I still use it. This post is a rant about something that came up in a Facebook group lately. My opinion to a question about teen sexual assault survivors is strong and partially unrestrained. Those who may not be in a safe place may wish to leave, and I understand that. To those who chose to remain, don't say that I didn't warn you.

TW - Scroll down for the rest of the post.

The question about teen sexual assault survivors who were virgins at the time of the assault is this... "When I was 15 years old I was raped. Am I still considered to be a virgin in the sight of God?"

Don't ask that in a group I'm in if you don't want my response. Respond I did. Many of us stated our belief that God views virgins as having an unchanged status. Deuteronomy tells us that victims of sexual assault have done nothing wrong. Nothing.

It was heartening to see that many people in the group were supportive of victims. Of those who responded only one held out. He said that he could see where I was coming from, but that he believes that victims do not remain virgins. My blood pressure raised as we exchanged more messages. He attempted to settle down the conversation by tossing out a suggestion. Maybe we should agree to disagree? I told him no.

Why no? The answer that is below is the cause of the trigger warning. Polite conversation about teen victims of sexual assault was over. I was pissed and here is the result.

TW------------------------------------------

     Facebook membername: This is why I choose not to agree to disagree about victims of sexual assault and why I never will.

     I have been in the trenches where evil lives and wiped the tears away of a teenager while her father and brothers stood outside the exam room waiting for word on their baby girl/ little sister. I have looked into the grief stricken face of a mother faced with reconciling her own victimization from years ago, while watching her own daughter endure a similar exam in a cold hospital room. I have seen a grown man cry as he opened up about how being victimized derailed his entire life.

     No, I will not agree to disagree because it means being okay with a world that allows soldiers access to a teenage girl during a war that she had no say in - while her powerless mother crumpled to the floor. 

     I will not agree to disagree because it means giving in to a world where pain is real and the boogeyman lives in the closet, but down the hall or next door. Most of all, I will not agree do disagree because it goes against what I feel and believe as a woman and as a Christian. 

     I refuse to equate violence with horrific aggression. A woman doesn't lose her virginity by being forced to endure a horrific act. She loses her virginity when she freely gives herself to someone she knows and cares about, to someone who makes her happy, who loves her in return and treats her like the princess that she is - the princess that God created her to be. A male victim loses his virginity when he is with someone he loves the first time time too. Not when he is raped.

     The question put to us had neither a female or male gender to it. To view this question in terms of penis/vagina contact fails to allow for the many men who are raped. It also doesn't count women who are forced by other women or men who are forced by women or the many ways a person can be raped with something other than a penis. 

     The question seems simple. Getting to the answer is complex. But, the answer itself is no, a victim does not lose virginity until she or he freely gives without coercion, violence or in anything other than love (or at least out of personal desire). 

Do I believe that a person loses virginity through violence? No! In the Old Testament, He tells us that if a man rapes a woman that he is to be put to death, not her. That nothing is to happen to her for she has done nothing wrong. God knows and judges the heart of each person more than we do.and I believe that he views victims of sexual assault as being innocent. The passage in Deuteronomy instructs us, even as his voice whispers to us. 
 
   Please believe me when I say that I respect you and wish that I could agree to disagree. Life would be simpler that way. But I can't, and I hope you can understand. If not, I'm sorry. Many other people do.

Reflections on the Rally at the Lincoln Memorial in DC

Speaking at the Lincoln Memorial for the FACSA Rally to speak out against child sexual assault was an experience that I will always remember. There were some excellent organizations on the platform. Even though more than five years have passed since the event, I still mark being able to speak at the Lincoln Memorial as a career highlight.

Gayle Crabtree: Lincoln Memorial

Hurricane Ida roared up the coast a few days before. Her remnants left a path of devastation across the eastern seaboard. There was concern that the aftermath would disrupt our plans, but she did not prevail. The day of the event was partly cloudy with grey skies giving way to sunshine by early afternoon. We had nothing to worry about where the weather was concerned. The grey skies gave way to a relatively sunny autumn day. The crispy wind brought the smell of fall into the air. It would turn out to be a good day.

One by one, we each took our place at the podium to condemn child sexual assault and to support survivors. I am humbled to have given the invocation and to have spoken with such a strong group of women. To this day, Facebook messages, phone calls and sometimes lunch, continue to bring us together.


The crowds were small, but the spinoff publicity reached more than we could have hoped to have ever reached from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. News spread through the power of social media and to this day, the wobbly recording of my speech on You Tube continues to generate page views.

People are becoming jaded when it comes to disturbing news these days. Not only was it humbling to speak at the Lincoln Memorial, but it is reassuring to know that people are still interested in supporting victims of sexual assault. As the end of the day the attitude of support is what matters the most.

Some of the coverage of the 2009 event:

Associated Content on Yahoo!
My Blog Log by Yahoo!
Imagine Publicity
Voices of Hope Internet Radio Show
KnoxNews.Com
LaFollette Press
The Call
Hope for Healing.Org - Facebook Fan Page
Washington Informer
The Eagle
Dr. Phil Community Blog
Speaking Out CSA
FACSA
North American Freedom Foundation

When Trigger Warning started, I was there

Trigger Warning, sometimes abbreviated TW, has created a debate among scholars and survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, veterans, and others who live with PTSD. The Rape Abuse Incest National Network estimates that an American is sexually assaulted every two minutes.

Numbers are even higher when it comes to domestic violence. A CDC survey reveals that a total of 24 people per minute are victims of intimate partner violence in the United States. Each statistic is a person. Each person deserves access to the support they need to heal. For many, that means turning to the internet. The Recovery Center has online resources that may be helpful. As for how did trigger warning get started, I can fill you in.

The term trigger warning began in online support groups that I opened in late 1995 or very early 1996. There was precious little support for survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault back then. Online support provided the only support that many survivors received both then and now.

Trigger warning and its abbreviation TW were carried to other groups as the support for survivors expanded.

Trigger Warning began because online support has one drawback. Sometimes, reading the story of another survivor would trigger PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks. We began using the term so survivors could give and receive support without worry. The term trigger warning came about as a way to protect others from the potential of additional emotional harm.

Trigger warning started as a humanitarian movement by people who wanted to support each other. It was born of out of understanding and compassion for survivors of sexual crimes who struggled with PTSD.

It is not different from warnings that appear on television shows, video games or music. People still decide whether or not to view or use the media. The term simply helps survivors make informed decision based on his or own individual needs.


Trigger warnings are not a way of avoiding the uncomfortable or the offensive. Survivors who have PTSD live with those feelings daily. A TW at the top of a post serves as an advisory that the material could be emotionally damaging. The reader can then decide to read the post or skip to another based on the needs of the survivor. 

Just as a television viewer has a choice of whether or not to change the channel when a program comes on with the familiar "the following program may be disturbing to some audiences" advisory, anyone who encounters a TW still faces the choice of whether to keep reading or to scroll on by.

The use of trigger warning spread because it fit a need. The practice spread as survivors opened other online support forums. Having a warning label for potentially triggering articles and posts helped create a safe environment for sharing and support.

Trigger warning started as a way of empowering survivors. It stayed around all these years because it works.

I think that the current interest level speaks to the continued need (and hopefully increased sensitivity) toward individuals who struggle with PTSD. If two little words will make that possible for college students who have PTSD, then shouldn't the discussions be worth having? At least 24 people a minute will think so.

Ocala Movie gives hope to survivors of child sexual abuse of males ...

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the Ocala Movie. The script is about a man who comes to terms with an abusive childhood and finally discovers who he is. This isn't just his story but it is the story of the 1:6 boys who are victims of child sexual abuse of males.

The team allowed me to review the script. I was impressed by what I read and am glad to support the movie. 

Don't think that it's "only" about overcoming child sexual abuse of males. Although the movie does give hope to survivors of abuse, the story is not so simple. The script is raw but powerful and realistic but hopeful. There are scenes of abuse that will make you mad and scenes of forgiveness that will make you cry.

Abuse alters the world around you and causes a victim to think and act differently. The actions can lead to damaged or broken relationships or abusive behaviors. It can cause survivors to lash out in anger against the people they love most or at themselves. Ocala doesn't shy away from that but it also gives survivors a reason to hope. 

It takes its name from the street where the abuse happened. One of the things that struck me about the script is that Ocala could be any street in any neighborhood. Children play. Neighbors call to each other. On the surface it seems to be an ideal place to raise children. In reality, the street holds a dark secret because of one man, in one house.

Here is more about the Ocala Movie. Once you hear more about it, I think that you'll want to join me in supporting the movie.
 

Rep Todd Akin announces the Smart Uterus anti-pregnancy device

For days now, I have been composing my thoughts on how to respond to the remarks by Rep. Todd Akin, R-Mo about pregnancy after rape and his anti-abortion stance. Before writing this article, I hoped to simmer down so my red hot anger wouldn't cause me to write something regrettable. So far, no good.

My mind is still trying to figure out how an elected official can be so idiotic. The basis for Rep. Todd Akin lunacy is seemingly based on research by Dr. Fred Mecklenburg. (You don't even want to know where some of this doctor's "research" based on.) The whole idea that rape can't cause pregnancy is ludicrous and should be stuffed in a, well... never mind.. 

In the supposed brain of Rep. Todd Akin, women seem to have been gifted with a recent upgrade. Yes, ladies, we have apparently been endowed with the "Smart Uterus". According to Dr. Fred Mecklenburg and Rep. Todd Akin, the Smart Uterus comes complete with a special sperm stopping sensor that activates anytime a legitimate (whatever that is) rape occurs.

Yes, ladies. That's one less thing that we have to worry about. However; it doesn't look likes Santa Claus will have this under the tree this holiday season. Early tests are indicating that there some flaws in the Smart Uterus operating system.

An alleged software upgrade known as Stop Rape 2.0 may help. This involves intense education, prevention and awareness courses to prevent all sexual assaults. This is said to be the cure for preventing rape related pregnancy but is still in development. Currently, the Smart Uterus failure rate results in approximately 32,101 rape related pregnancies annually. Most people contend that any failure rate in Stop Rape is too high.

Meanwhile, advocates across the country continue to push for a cure. They are working on another software upgrade called Respect 3.0. These programs will be designed to operate on Common Sense platform 1.0. (Note: There is a rumor that hackers will be releasing a special program for politicians known as 11.6.12. Expectations are that this will spread quickly among the political ranks).

These all sound good but Rep. Todd Akin (who may be the recipient of 11.6.12) seems to be looking at the rape related pregnancy issue as more of a complication than a rape prevention issue. Currently, the only options for women who experience a rape related pregnancy are morning after pills or abortion. Neither choice is optimal. For now, at least they are choices.

However; if Rep. Todd Akin has his way, those options will be off the table. Women who experience rape related pregnancy or life threatening health related issues will have to suffer. Hopefully, Common Sense platform 1.0 or virus 11.6.12 will be unleashed before more damage can occur. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, if someone you know is dealing with a sexual assault issue help is available. The Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) operates a 24/7/365 toll free hotline. The number is 800-656-HOPE. It is the best place for sexual assault victims to receive support until Respect 3.0 and Stop Rape 2.0 are fully operational.

With elected officials like Rep. Todd Akin, the RAINN hotline is be our best defense until 11.6.12 is unleashed.

Therapy dog helps 15 year old rape victim put rapist behind bars

If a therapy dog helps a 15 year old rape victim testify isn't that a good thing? Kids are taught that bad guys go away. They're taught good-touch-bad-touch and they're told to tell. Then, they're told to keep telling until an adult finally listens.

In a child's world kids are taught that monsters aren't real. Children who fall have their boo-boos kissed away and are given something soft to comfort them. They're told that police, teachers and parents are the good guys and that people who rape kids are the bad guys. Kids learn that they have the right to be comforted and that no one has the right to hurt them.

That's the way it works in an ideal world. The problem is that we don't live in an ideal world. Some kids find out that monsters are real. They learn fast that they may not be comforted and they grow up scared. Worst of all they find out that a 15 year old can be a rape victim.

So, if a cute fluffy dog gives a 15 year old rape victim courage to testify what problem could there be? The idea seems innocent enough.

The objection comes from a defense attorney who says that he can't cross examine a dog. He claims that the jury that found his client guilty could have been unduly influenced by a cute dog that gave a 15 year old rape victim the courage to testify against his client.

The last time I checked juries are adults. Adults are old enough to discern the truth and base their decisions on it. They're smart enough to base decisions on facts, not fur.
 
Personally, I'd like to shake the paw of any  therapy dog that helps a 15 year old rape victim testify. Attorneys sit next to their client in the courtroom. The article linked below indicated that the defendant had two attorneys at his side. Essentially, the defendant had four legs by his side. That must have brought him comfort or encouragement as the proceedings went on.

Rape victims aren't comforted when they testify. Yet all victims, teens and children included, have to tell their story to a courtroom full of adults. Children and teens can only hope that adults will believe them. When this 15 year old rape victim spoke, 12 people listened and chose to put the bad guy away. That's the way the world is supposed to work.

When I read Dog Helps Rape Victim 15 Testify on the NY Times it made me want to say 'Good job, Rosie!

Most of all, it made me want to say the same thing to the courageous 15 year old who testified and to the 12 who believed her. To them I say, good job.

Sexual assault recovery opens doors; leads to healing

I've just talked with another survivor who is afraid of life. In her case, this fear stems from something that happened almost two decades ago. She never received help or told anyone until emailing me. I'm glad that she sent the email but at the same time I am sad for her.

Abuse survivors sometimes find recovery through learning a new skill or doing something different. Some people take up painting or yoga as a way to deal with stress. Other survivors will go to places like the evo wakesurf shop to explore the world of extreme sports.

When it comes to recovering from sexual assault there is one adage that holds true. The same route to recovery doesn't work for everyone. We head into healing from different vantage points and with different life experiences.

The support that a survivor receives from others is critical to the healing process. I can remember feeling terrified about taking a cake decorating class. A friend and I cut a deal. If she would go with me I would pay for the class. It worked, my self-esteem grew and we can both create a mean looking wedding cake.

As my self-esteem grew it helped me try other things. When the opportunity came to go on a mission trip my daughter and I decided to drive instead of flying to Alaska. The support helped me be able to encourage others in different parts of the country.

What I found about recovery is that I didn't only need to heal from the sexual assault. I had a rough childhood and other issues. Support, therapy, family and friends have made the difference. I'm grateful to them for guiding me along.

It's also awakened me to life. There is so much that I want to do. I want to go on a zipline, learn wakesurfing tricks, go para-sailing and travel around the country.

Without the help that I've received these would all be things that other people could do. Not me. Now, I can see that with enough support I can be part of the 'other people' and live life instead of watching it pass me by.

Silsbee High School tries to force victim to pay legal fees

Silsbee High School in Texas should be ashamed of themselves. They want the parents of a sexual assault victim to pay for the school's legal fees.

It's in this ABC News report. Really, how ridiculous can you get? I thought this was 2011. Apparently folks, we have been transported right back into the stone age. Or at least it seems this way by the actions of Silsbee High School in Texas.

Student H.S. (name protected ) only wanted what a lot of high school students dream about. She wanted to help cheer her high school sports teams on to victory. Like most other high school students she worked hard academically and physically to stay on the cheerleading team and to prepare herself for college.

Becoming a rape victim could have destroyed that for her.  What was left of her life after the sexual assault seems to have been destroyed by the Silsbee High School and District in Texas. How did they do that? By trying to force the victim of sexual assault to cheer for the perpetrator when he continued his athletic life at Silsbee High School.


The report says that this perpetrator was indicted by a grand jury of felony sexual assault of a minor. He pleaded it down to a charge of misdemeanor assault sentenced to:

The news report says that school officials did the right thing by expelling the perpetrator after the indictment. He received a one-year suspended prison term and he gets to perform community service. Two years probation and a $2,500 fine are also part of his judicial system punishment. 


Oh yeah, and the Silsbee High School expelled him for awhile. When the perpetrator returned they let him back on the athletics team. Then they tried to force the victim he assaulted to continue to cheer for him, by name. 


Ah! But Silsbee High School didn't seem to be finished with the cheerleader. When she refused to cheer for the scumbag who assaulted her the school kicked her off of the cheerleading team. 


Her parents sued the school. They felt that the school's position violated their daughter's freedom of speech rights. Guess what the legal system did? They said that a cheerleader is only a mouthpiece for the school and sided with Silsbee High School. 


Yes, folks. Cheerleaders are required to be smart and keep their grades up to stay on the cheerleading team. Apparently, they aren't allowed to use those brains. 


You would think that officials at Silsbee High School would be happy with the messages they are sending. Shouldn't this have been enough for the school to heap upon the victim? Nope. 


In a final act of meanness, the school system has heaped more insult onto the victim and her family. They want her parents to pay thousands of dollars in the school's legal fees. By losing the battle to protect their daughter's freedom of speech it opened the parents up to having to pay. 


But wait, there's more. This online petition has more details. It's probably a good thing that I took my blood pressure medicine before reading and signing the petition.


This is one school system that I won't be cheering for. How about you?

Die rape myths die. Sexual assault is not ok!

Maybe I've been in a bad mood lately but some of the comments that I'm hearing are starting to get to me. The other day I was in the checkout line at the grocery when I really had to bite my tongue.

There were a couple guys in line ahead of me who were talking about sexual assault. Their discussion is the recent allegations made against the former leader of the IMF by a hotel maid. Specifically, they were talking about girls 'had sex and cried rape later' and 'why rape a b###h if you can buy it'.

Their conversation came to a screeching halt when I asked if either of them had a daughter or girlfriend. They got my point and I changed lines.

So much is wrong with this conversation that it's hard to know where to start.  Thinking about it makes my blood pressure rise.

First is the myth that rape allegations may often be untrue or in retaliation. An old figure that's been kicked around says that false rape allegations are only made about 2% of the time. I couldn't find anything to substantiate or deny that claim.

What I do know is that rape victims have a horrible time in coming forward. Many of the women that I've worked with would have rather had their arm cut off than to report what happened. A lot of fear is associated with reporting.

The fear of being disbelieved (as mentioned above), the fear of being ostracized, losing friends or a job or hurting family members are all part of it. But, so is the fear that even if a victim comes forward nothing will be done to the perpetrator.

Another part of the conversation that bothers me is the idea that it's ok to buy and sell women. We are not commodities that can be bought, used and thrown away.

Then, there's the whole 'b###h' mindset. Nothing gives one person a right to treat another as anything less than an equal. Both of the participants in this conversation felt secure enough to talk about their opinions in public. This tells me that they expected others to agree with them or to at least allow the conversation to proceed without interruption.

Well, so much for that idea. I think that I rained on their parade.

Every woman that these guys were talking about is someone's daughter, mother, sister or friend. Neither guy could give me a straight answer when I asked if they have a daughter or girlfriend. Both looked away and shuffled their feet. They paid for their items and hustled away from the checkout.

It bothers me that old rape myths were being talked about in an open grocery store. It also bothers me that no one else spoke up. Nothing was said then or maybe ever.

Should silence be taken as quiet agreement that rape myths are real? We should all ask ourselves that question and decide what the answer will be.


Personally, I choose to not be silent.I believe that no one has the right to hurt another person. No one should ever be subjected to sexual assault or any form of abuse.

It's time to talk about it so we can dispel the rape myths that some people still hold onto.  These are the conversations that we need to be having in the grocery store and everywhere. Silence is not ok. Neither is rape and neither are the attitudes that surround it.

Sexual assault is never ok by politicians or anyone else

The more I hear about the possible sexual assault attack by the IMF Chief the madder I get. Now, a second person has come forward to say that she was victimized several years ago. It's always hard for survivors to come forward. That's why rape is so very under reported.

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for these women to report the crime against someone who has so much political clout. Kudos to them for coming forward.

As chair of the IMF, DominiqueStrauss-Kahn had more to lose than to gain by committing such a horrendous act but no one had more to lose than the victim. 

The moment that a potential rapist chooses to act lives are ruined for the victim and the families of the victim and the predator. How could a few minutes of power rush be worth this? I don't, can't and will never understand.

Another thing that I'm having problems with is why a man would choose to do this to a woman. At what point in your life do you decide that it's ok to force yourself on somebody else? Why does anyone feel that they have the right to do something this cruel?

No one has the right to physically or emotionally bring harm to another person for any reason. That's the bottom line. It might not be the one that Dominique Strauss-Kahn wants to hear right now. It also sounds like a lesson that he may be learning.

The thing about lessons is that the student doesn't always learn. Predators tend to keep repeating the pattern until caught and locked away. Time will tell if this student learns his lesson or not. For the sake of other people worldwide, if he is guilty, I hope that he learns well. Rape is never ok.

Posting a social media update during Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and I'm doing my part to participate in the 2011 Social Media SpeakOut by Hope for Healing.Org. So far this month I have used Twitter, StumbleUpon, Digg, Facebook and other platforms to spread the word. Hopefully, you have too.

If not, you can point your browser over to the Hope Blog. Search 'awareness' or 'speakout'. Choose the one (or ones) that you like best and share with friends across your social media network. If the one that you select is already on the networking site that you use great! Be sure to like, Digg or otherwise mark it as a favorite.

Wearing an awareness ribbon is a good way to let others  know about sexual assault. Wear one on your shirt or jacket. When people ask about it be sure to tell them what you are raising awareness for.

Stats from RAINN tell us that every 2 minutes, somewhere in the United States, someone else will become a victim of sexual violence. From talking with victims, I know that many feel alone after being victimized. Sending a social media status update or wearing a teal ribbon are small things to us. They mean a lot to the survivors who are hurting.

Today, I'm posting the following social media update for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Which one will you choose? Visit the Hope Blog and leave a message in their comment section. Tell the world that you support survivors of sexual violence.

Social media status update:

I choose to stand by victims of sexual assault. Do you? Post this to your status to support victims. http://bit.ly/gPBZIe #SAAM

Can a traveling bear raise awareness of domestic violence

Can a traveling bear raise awareness of domestic violence? This advocate says yes. 

People who know me quickly realize that I am passionate about my family, advocacy for victims of sexual or domestic violence and traveling. Finally, it looks like there is a way to combine all of these.

Stuffed teddy bears have comforted children for years. Where Bear Traveled raises awareness of domestic violence in a fun and unique way. 

Panera Bread in Turkey Creek
Farragut, TN 

When I visit places to write a review about food or travel a stuffed bear is going to go with me. His photo will appear in many of my travel and restaurant reviews.  People can follow our journeys at my You've Been Reviewed blog.

Purple is the awareness color of domestic violence. That's why a purple bow features prominently in the photos. Later, I plan to add a sign that reads 'stop domestic abuse' or something along that line. 

Where Bear Traveled reinforces the statistic that tells us 1:3 women will be a victim of abuse in her lifetime and that 1:6 men will be abused. It also reminds people that 'it happens here'. 

Traveling takes its toll on people and on little stuffed bears. A forever home will be waiting at the end of each journey. We'll keep the sign but the bear (and any souvenirs) will be placed in a reusable tote bag and donated to a shelter. Staff members at the shelter may give it to any child or youth that needs a little bit of comfort.

As a survivor, it is my hope that other survivors will hear about Where Bear Traveled and be encouraged. This message is simple. No one deserves to be controlled or battered. There is life beyond abuse. Be sure to follow our journeys at You've Been Reviewed.

Will the victim blaming stop in Berea College Sexual Assault

Will the victim blaming stop in the Berea College sexual assault case? You can also read more on an earlier blog post. Here's some background on what reportedly has happened.

A young woman reported being sexually assaulted by a professor last year. The prof was indicted and then pleaded guilty to a lesser charge in January. In March, a lawsuit was filed against the college by the victim. In an email to college students (found on a petition at Change.org)

The result is that legal counsel blamed the victim for any injuries that resulted from the sexual assault. Now, we all know that no means no and that the victim is never at fault. However, it looks like the legal counsel skipped class the day that lesson was taught.

In the email to college students, Berea College president Larry Shinn reported that the legal counsel was retained by the insurance company of the school. He also said that the counsel was directed by the school to delete that line of defense.

This blogger applauds Shinn for taking that step on behalf of Berea College. Sexual assault is not a joke. I've spoken with many victims through the years who were wrongly blamed before being raped or sexually assaulted. It seem to me that virtually every person went on to develop just as many problems from the blaming as with the actual sexual assault itself.

Now, a question has arisen on whether legal counsel actually complied. An article by the Richmond Register states that the legal defense is now saying that any possible injuries "were caused and/or brought about by pre-existing condition".

To me, that sounds like repackaged victim blaming and I wish it would stop. How about you?

Stop Berea College victim blaming - An update

Good news! I just came from the Change.Org petition about the Berea College sexual assault victim blaming. Signatures have doubled since my last post! There is still a long way to go. If you haven't been over to sign it yet please do. It says "alumni" but supporters can and are signing it.

After you sign it, could you help spread the word? The more people who sign it the stronger the message will be that's sent to the college.

Here's some background on the Berea College sexual assault.

One of my earlier posts links to the original source document that was used. Basically, this Berea College sexual assault issue is about the stupidity of blaming the victim.

According to the Richmond Register, a student came forward after being sexually assaulted by a professor. The professor was originally indicted on sex abuse charges. He pleaded guilty in January to a lesser assault charge.

Then the student filed a lawsuit against the school for a whopping $4,000. (Yes, $4,000 you read that right.)

Legal counsel for the college is trying to get the school out of paying. In doing so, the legal counsel said that the victim is responsible because she "did not take action to prevent her injuries". The Berea College sexual assault victim should not be punished for being injured by anyone; much less by a school professor!

You can get the full scoop on the news reporting by the Richmond Register. Just click here to read more.

Berea College blames victim of sexual assault for her injury

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and this is not the way to begin. The article  College denies responsibility for student assault is exactly the attitude that this month tries to combat. As Berea College blames a victim of sexual assault for being hurt the importance of education about sexual violence is clearly demonstrated.

The article above quotes a statement saying Berea College isn’t responsible "because the victim placed herself in a position to be harmed and did not take action to prevent her injuries".  (Never mind the professor – student relationship.)

I'm not a legal expert and don't know if they have a legal responsibility or not. I know that it’s always wrong when someone blames a victim. Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault. No means no.

If there isn't a legal responsibility there's a moral responsibility to support students and staff. To do anything else is wrong. Is it necessary that legal counsel for Berea College blames a victim of sexual assault? I think not. In the end, I think it's going to be counter productive.

Someone is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes in the U.S. If that isn't bad enough then consider this... Students on college campuses are 4 times more likely to be victimized.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Advocates and educators have been working for years to reduce the numbers of students who have been victimized. 

Now, just as it looks like the awareness efforts are starting to pay off we see that legal counsel for Berea College blames a victim of sexual assault for her injuries. There is no way to know how many years of work this will undo.

The former professor pleaded guilty and received his sentence. As sexual assault awareness month rolls in we can clearly see that the victim has been given two sentences.

The first comes from having to carry victimization for her lifetime. The second sentence is wrongly being told the sexual assault was her fault. Over time, it may be that this second sentence is the hardest for her to overcome. Blog posts like this tell her that she is not alone. I can only hope that knowledge brings her comfort.

As for the school...

Where's the dislike button when you need one? As Berea College blames a victim of sexual assault I feel the need for a big "thumbs down". 

Join us for the Sexual Assault Awareness Month Speakout

Sexual assault and domestic violence prevention are the top goals of every advocate. We try to accomplish this in different ways. Certainly, speaking opportunities and local outreach events are often used.

Raising awareness is the first step in sexual assault and domestic violence prevention. These days, advocates have another tool in our arsenal. Social media is helping advocates get the word out about domestic violence prevention like never before.

There is some overlap between the two crimes. Too often, sexual assault can be a component of domestic violence. Prevention is possible but to prevent the violence we must get the word out that abuse is just not cool.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Social media status updates are going to be posted on the Hope Blog daily. They are calling it a Speakout and as far as I can tell it’s one of the first few events of its kind. It's an easy way to help make prevention possible.

Bloggers will find that the status updates are helpful topics for blog articles. Those of us who are on Twitter have a convenient way to do our part in sexual assault and domestic violence prevention.

The updates have been kept short enough to be posted directly onto Facebook or to your favorite social media site. Tweeting the status updates to your followers or retweeting our posts will help.

You can follow me on Twitter or Facebook. I will be doing my best to support the cause and help with sexual assault and domestic violence prevention. How about you?

Lots of activities for Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. In addition to the weekly Voices of Hope on Blog Talk Radio,  I'm going to be participating in lots of different activities. There is something coming up almost every week.

Stats from RAINN tell  us that in the U.S. someone will be sexually assaulted every 2 minutes. That makes it more important than ever to speak up in support of survivors. Take a look at my schedule to the  right of this post. (It's near the top.)

Sexual Assault Awareness Month gives  us the opportunity to speak out and make a difference. If you are going to be near one of the outreach events be sure to stop by. I'm always glad to say hello.

Hope for Healing.Org has displays on sexual assault that are available for loan. These are eye catching but not graphic. If you would like to have a display for your office or church we can arrange that. Just email countmein@hopeforhealing.org and we'll make that happen.

I'll also be posting social media updates about Sexual Assault Awareness Month and you can too. If you aren't sure what to say that's all right. The Hope Blog has taken the guesswork out of it for us. Each week they will be posting a list of possible updates. You and I can either use these or create our own. I may do a little of both.

The most important thing is to do something to participate. Whether we do it online or through events we're still making a difference for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Survivors deserve to feel supported. These are little ways that we can help.

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Answering why I'm writing about debt

Someone emailed me the other day and asked why I'm writing about getting out of debt on my blog. Since I'm an advocate, she said that she was surprised that there's not more on here about domestic violence or sexual assault.

Actually, that's part of the reason that I'm writing about finances.

Most people who know me also know that I'm a survivor of sexual assault and child abuse. My mother felt that she couldn't afford to take care of my brother and myself. Homeless, the three of us moved in with her parents until we were old enough to move out on our own.

My first contact with a debt collector was when I was 14. Mother was overdue with a payment to my pediatrician. When the letter arrived she made me phone the office to deal with it. A good lesson on debt management? Not!

Paying off my bills will be impossible without extra income. My lifestyle and health don't permit me to take a second job. Writing for online sites is done based on my schedule. I don't make a lot of money from any one particular site but I make some. With the price of gas these days every dollar helps!

Many sites allow you to write under pen names. This will protect your identity while allowing you to earn some income. Writing isn't for everyone. My hope that my story will inspire other abuse survivors to hang in there and not give up.

The blog is also a way of holding myself accountable to myself and to my readers. Every time I can move a bill from "due" to "paid" it makes me feel better. My believe that it can be done is being lived out on these  pages. To me, that's encouraging and hopefully you'll agree. If I can find a way to write myself out of debt, you can too!

New Year's Eve Safety Tips for Women

An open letter to my daughters,

It's time to ring in 2011. You've got a big night with friends all planned out. Your're in your best little black dress and ready to head out the door. There's just one more thing that you've got to do. Take a moment and think about safety.

I know. I know. This isn't the time that you want to think about that. After all, you're all set to go out and have fun and I'm sounding like an old mother hen. The truth is that taking a few minutes to review some basic safety precautions can make a good night out even better.

Fireworks in LaFollette

We all know the obvious. Thou shalt not drink and drive is a mantra that we've heard over and over. The thing is that New Year's Eve is prime time for it to happen. Unfortunately, New Year's Eve can be prime time for sexual assault. Nothing is 100% safe but there are a couple of things that may help reduce your risk.

By now, you've already memorized every word on the websites of Realistic Female Self-Defense and National Self-Defense. Thank you for that. It makes me feel much better. There's just a couple of things that I want to remind you about:


1. Trust your instincts.If you feel like something is wrong it probably is. Get out or call for help. Do both if you need to. Make up an excuse if you need to or pretend to be sick. Don't worry about being embarrassed.

2. Keep your drink in your hand. Don't let anyone else (even a friend) watch it. If you need to leave it for any reason don't drink from it when you get back. It only takes a split second for someone to spike it. Make an excuse that it's flat, warm or whatever and order another one.

3. Keep your cell phone fully charged and ready to go. Don't leave home with a low battery.

4. Watch out for thieves and riffraff at public events. One bump and your purse (or contents) may be gone.

5. Keep $20 and the number of a cab company on you. In case your date or friend becomes inebriated you have a way home.

6. Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be home. This way if you are extremely late we'll know about it and start calling you. (See tip #3.)

There are some other tips from the Keene Police Dept. and Mobile Police Dept. that you may want to read.

Thanks for being safe!

Love,

Mom

Buy a Christmas tree to help domestic violence and rape victims

Buy a Christmas tree to help domestic violence and rape victims. It really is as easy as that. The charity that I founded, Hope for Healing.org, is partnering with Raise the Tree to raise funds this holiday season. It's an easy fun way to help others. Your purchase helps us provide services to domestic violence and rape victims.

Raise the Tree Logo

Christmas trees come from the Shore Family Farm in Western North Carolina. The trees are unique to the Appalachian Mountains and are perfect for the holidays. 

Your tree could be the ideal gift for senior citizens or young families. Can you picture Grandma's face when the tree is delivered and set up in her home? How about picturing excited kids who can't wait to get started decorating?

The fun starts with one click to Raise the Tree.