This post needs to be started off with a trigger warning - tw for short. That's how we used to abbreviate the term when it started in my chat rooms years ago. I still use it. This post is a rant about something that came up in a Facebook group lately. My opinion to a question about teen sexual assault survivors is strong and partially unrestrained. Those who may not be in a safe place may wish to leave, and I understand that. To those who chose to remain, don't say that I didn't warn you.
The question about teen sexual assault survivors who were virgins at the time of the assault is this... "When I was 15 years old I was raped. Am I still considered to be a virgin in the sight of God?"
Don't ask that in a group I'm in if you don't want my response. Respond I did. Many of us stated our belief that God views virgins as having an unchanged status. Deuteronomy tells us that victims of sexual assault have done nothing wrong. Nothing.
It was heartening to see that many people in the group were supportive of victims. Of those who responded only one held out. He said that he could see where I was coming from, but that he believes that victims do not remain virgins. My blood pressure raised as we exchanged more messages. He attempted to settle down the conversation by tossing out a suggestion. Maybe we should agree to disagree? I told him no.
Why no? The answer that is below is the cause of the trigger warning. Polite conversation about teen victims of sexual assault was over. I was pissed and here is the result.
Facebook membername: This is why I choose not to agree to disagree about victims of sexual assault and why I never will.
I have been in the trenches where evil lives and wiped the tears away of a teenager while her father and brothers stood outside the exam room waiting for word on their baby girl/ little sister. I have looked into the grief stricken face of a mother faced with reconciling her own victimization from years ago, while watching her own daughter endure a similar exam in a cold hospital room. I have seen a grown man cry as he opened up about how being victimized derailed his entire life.
No, I will not agree to disagree because it means being okay with a world that allows soldiers access to a teenage girl during a war that she had no say in - while her powerless mother crumpled to the floor.
I will not agree to disagree because it means giving in to a world where pain is real and the boogeyman lives in the closet, but down the hall or next door. Most of all, I will not agree do disagree because it goes against what I feel and believe as a woman and as a Christian.
I refuse to equate violence with horrific aggression. A woman doesn't lose her virginity by being forced to endure a horrific act. She loses her virginity when she freely gives herself to someone she knows and cares about, to someone who makes her happy, who loves her in return and treats her like the princess that she is - the princess that God created her to be. A male victim loses his virginity when he is with someone he loves the first time time too. Not when he is raped.
The question put to us had neither a female or male gender to it. To view this question in terms of penis/vagina contact fails to allow for the many men who are raped. It also doesn't count women who are forced by other women or men who are forced by women or the many ways a person can be raped with something other than a penis.
The question seems simple. Getting to the answer is complex. But, the answer itself is no, a victim does not lose virginity until she or he freely gives without coercion, violence or in anything other than love (or at least out of personal desire).
Do I believe that a person loses virginity through violence? No! In the Old Testament, He tells us that if a man rapes a woman that he is to be put to death, not her. That nothing is to happen to her for she has done nothing wrong. God knows and judges the heart of each person more than we do.and I believe that he views victims of sexual assault as being innocent. The passage in Deuteronomy instructs us, even as his voice whispers to us.
Please believe me when I say that I respect you and wish that I could agree to disagree. Life would be simpler that way. But I can't, and I hope you can understand. If not, I'm sorry. Many other people do.