Homeless and on the streets in Athens, Tennessee

Saturday's experience with the homeless woman opened my eyes. Despite being on the streets, she was clean, soft-spoken and well mannered. I ran into her at a deli here in town. She was a little bashful when she asked only for a cup for water but the counter person treated her as though the woman had ordered a full meal.

I watched her for a minute before going to speak with her. The woman's eyes grew big and her mouth dropped open when I said, if she was hungry, that I would buy her a sandwich. She asked me to repeat myself and was surprised even more when my offer was reiterated.

She agreed and we approached the counter. The woman became nervous and fidgety. When it was time to place her order she didn't know what to say. Quietly she asked if the deli had ham. The employee assured her that they did and asked her what size.

The woman glanced at me and seemed uncertain. I told her that she could get anything that she wanted. Still, she hesitated. The counter person was pretty savvy. He looked at me, back to her and said "Okay, one large ham sandwich. This is what it comes with. Is that okay?"

She hesitated again, answered yes and then thanked me for like the 100th time. The employee smiled at her and offered to wrap two halves of the sandwich for her. She said that would be nice and smiled real big.

Because, she said, it meant that her husband could eat too.

The lady and I talked for awhile. I told her that we were having a church dinner the next day and asked if she would like a plate. It's a shame that you couldn't have seen her face!

My husband and I delivered the containers to her the next day. She and her husband gratefully took them and thanked us many times over.

We heard their story, invited them to church and said we'd be back to pick them up if they wanted to come. But, we also explained that there wouldn't always be food and that nobody has any money. Neither hesitated to say yes, that they would like to come and seemed excited about the invitation. It's apparently been a long time since anyone asked them to come to church.

People look at small towns like Athens, Tennessee and don't think about homeless people who live on the streets. It's a common myth that people who are down on their luck stay in cities where there are services that can help. No one expects that a couple would be living in the woods tucked away from view.

There isn't a homeless shelter here for women and families. If forced to, could I make a "home" for myself out in the woods? I pondered this as I waved goodbye to them.

Could you do it?

Homeless man returns diamond ring; lesson for us all

A homeless man returns a diamond ring and it's a lesson for us all. How many times have you seen a homeless person begging on the street and walked past? Maybe you've dropped some change or a dollar into a cup but how many times have you ever stopped for conversation? If you have, then maybe it doesn't surprise you that a homeless man returned a lost ring.

I have. In fact, I have had many conversations with many people who have lived on the streets or in shelters. Knowing that the homeless man returned a diamond ring doesn't surprise me all that much. What does surprise me is that the act is making headlines.

People who are homeless are just like everyone else. Some are honest and some aren't. Rich people aren't better because they're better off. They may have morals but it's because someone instilled those values in them.

On the flip side, those who are poor or in poverty aren't automatically thieves or cheaters. Just like the man in the story, homeless people can have values and character too. Being on the streets or in a shelter only means that the person needs more skills to maintain a place to live than he or she has.

The homeless man who returned the diamond ring has a lesson for us all. The next time you see someone with a hand out try not to judge them any differently than you do anyone else. I think that's a lesson that we can all walk away with.

Ramblings about the war on children in the U.S.

There is a war on children these days. The Sandy Hook shooting is the latest in what I'm concerned is the continued slow erosion of society. Victims of domestic violence often have to flee with children in tow. The lessons they learn lead many of these children to identify as either victims or abusers. Neither is optimal. Only, a few children will emerge from violent households as neither victims or abusers.

Violence isn't the only assault on children. Poverty is taking its toll. In 2010, 22% of children in the United States were living in poverty. This means that almost 1:4 children don't have the resources that they need. Along with this sad statistic is the fact that almost 8 million children are without health insurance. They cannot go to the doctor when sick and know little (if anything) about preventative care.

Then there is the "anything goes" attitude, gun control arguments, violence on video games and in music and movies, child abuse and drug abuse issues. We also need to get to the root cause of teen pregnancy, truancy and affordable childcare. Which are the symptoms and which are the causes are up to debate. Which came first? Was it the chicken or the egg?

How can we fight the war on children?  In my opinion, we all need to search out ways to better support families. Health care and mental health care should be made affordable and available to all families. I am not talking about places that charge on a sliding fee scale. Many parents will tell you that the scale rarely slides far enough.

Schools need to have the funding they need to provide these services. Problem solving is a skill that children rarely have the chance to learn. Teachers need to be able to teach without having to worry about "teaching the test".

Personally, I would like to see mental health experts in every school who can provide therapy to at-risk children and families. This may be the only way that children can get the help they need. I also think that parents need to have the education they need to get out of poverty. Whether it is college, tech school or another trade or career, children deserve to have educated parents.

Churches and religious institutions need to stand up and be unafraid to be churches. Youth groups, children's groups, programs for young mothers and fathers can be offered by churches. Many pastors will tell you that their flock is doing the best job that they can (including me). I applaud those efforts but I still think that we can all do more.

Obviously, fighting the war on children is a multifaceted problem. There aren't any good answers and I don't have any to offer. All I know is that children deserve to be loved, to live outside of the bonds of poverty and to be unafraid to go to school.

Is that really too much for a child to ask?

Chick-fil-A traffic, poverty and more than I bargained for

A situation at Chick-fil-A broke my heart tonight and left me pondering our individual impact on humanity. (Before you ask, this article has nothing to do with the current controversy. I'll leave you to see those answers for yourself.)

Tonight, all I wanted to do was get into a store parking lot and pick up a few things. That's all that I wanted to do. The goal seemed simple but I had forgotten that it was Chick-fil-A Customer Appreciation Day.

Navigating through the traffic to get there was more complicated than I wanted to fool with. After getting close to the store, I tossed my plans out the window and decided to return at a later date.

People from everywhere were heading to Chick-fil-A. Families, groups and individuals were parking were even in the lot next to the restaurant and walking over to support the Chick-fil-A Customer Appreciation Day. Drivers were having to pay attention as people darted in between cars. The situation was challenging at best.

When I was doing my best not to hit anyone, a couple standing on the corner caught my eye. There is no way for me to be sure, but it looked like a mother and son. She was holding a cardboard sign. The intent was obvious. I've seen others do the same thing on countless occasions. If you are honest with yourself, then you have seen them too.

The heavy traffic moved along more slowly than a three legged turtle. I wanted to get to the couple but I couldn't. They were on another road and our paths would not cross. I watched and hoped that someone would pause for them but I never saw anyone do it.

As I continued navigating through the sea of cars, another panhandler caught my eye. This time traffic was stopped so we had a brief exchange. I offered an unopened bottle of water. She eagerly took it, ripped the cap off and chugged it down.

In between slurps, she shared her story. She said that she wanted to work (and seemed sincere). The problem is that she had messed up in a big way. After being released from jail, she and found herself behind bars of a different sort. No one wants to take a chance by hiring an ex-felon. It's risky. It's scary. It's unpredictable.

This woman's story is a repeat of one that I've heard before. Instead of being able to become productive, society kicks them to the curb. They are some of the faceless, nameless people that we choose not to see. We drive a little faster as we pass them by or turn the other way to avoid them.

Most people were doing this tonight. She asked why I stopped when others didn't. It was an odd twist in the conversation. No one has ever asked me that. I frequently carry an extra bottle of water in the car and have paused on several occasions to hand it out the window.  No one has ever turned it down.

My curiosity has always led me to wonder what situations create beggars. Sometimes the panhandlers are mentally ill street people who no longer have skills to function in society. They live in the dark recesses of an underworld that we hope never to see.

Other people are homeless and just need a hand up. They are people who are like you and me except they have no place to live. The situation is often temporary but homelessness can also be the first step down a long spiral staircase.

I've talked with throwaways who wanted a safe place to stay and for someone to care about them. I've also seen them tumble through the cracks as fallout in a flawed system.

In these many conversations, no one has ever asked me why I stopped when others didn't. The panhandler wasn't demanding. She seemed simply to be curious. What she really was asking is what makes some people want to take a risk and others turn away.

My curiosity was turned inside out. It was as though the other side of the reflective mirror reached out and spoke. I searched for words that would not come. Our eyes locked, time stopped. All the while, the question was suspended in midair.

The best that I could come up with is that sometimes there are no answers. She shrugged and agreed. Then she thanked me and stepped back to the curb. Eventually, the line of cars began to edge forward.

As I pulled away, I silently asked myself why, in this world of plenty are some people forced to beg for alms. This time, there is a new twist in the silent conversation. Why in this world, do so few people show compassion for one another.

As I pulled away and thought about the ex-felon and the other couple who might be the mother and son. This is a question seems to be one that has no good answer. Perhaps, finding the answer is an unpredictable quest that we should all undertake.
 
What poor people need in a food pantry box

Past abuse doesn't have to claim on your future

The other day I saw a photo of a lady who meant a lot to me. She passed away a few years ago. To this day I remember how she looked right before she died.

The photo that I'm referencing was taken when the lady was young and just beginning her family. From the day the photo was taken to the day she passed away she looked like she hadn't aged a day. Most of the time that statement is a complement. Not this time.

That's because she already looked much older than her years dictated. Missing is the radiance that most new mothers have. Gone is the expression from her face. Instead, she stands limply beside her husband. She resembles a rag doll or robot much more than she does a young woman.

Looking at the photo breaks my heart. I have heard the stories of abuse that she suffered while growing up. She used to say that she found healing in her marriage. Looking at the photo makes me wonder if she ever found what she was looking for.

There was help available but she wouldn't take it. Our relationship spanned more than a decade. She talked about counseling and knew it was there. Stubbornness kept her from trying counseling and I think that's what I mourn for her the most.

But, the decision to try counseling rested solely with her. Even though I feel that it might have helped it was her decision and hers alone. I encouraged her and I don't judge her. She was a wonderful person. I'm sad for her because, even though she was liked, her relationships with her family and friends suffered.

Abuse might have claimed your past but it has no right to your future. If you are free from abuse don't be her. If you think that counseling might help don't be afraid to try it. Crisis centers and shelters often have counseling and mental health centers offer it on a sliding scale. It might just help.

What poor people need in a food pantry box

A blog reader specifically asked me to write about what poor people need in a food pantry box.. This is a response to a previous article. While still helpful, the reader pointed out that not all food pantry boxes are the help that people hope they will be. I'm writing this article to shed light on some of the most helpful items and why.

This is a sample menu of items contained in the average food pantry box. For many, a box like this will be the only food in the house. Putting a meal together from this box is a difficult task. You may notice that there is peanut butter but no crackers or bread. There is cereal but no milk etc.

Before the emails start pouring in let me clarify some things that were shared by the reader. One is that she volunteered twice monthly at her local food pantry. She said it was only after being laid off from work that she found herself in need of a food box.

Many of you know that I too have worked in food pantries, shelters and soup kitchens for over 15 years. My journey began in 1994 by helping a shelter in Chattanooga, TN. Additionally, I've also worked with victims of domestic violence who found themselves homeless after leaving an abuser. My experience is the basis of this article on what poor people need in a food pantry box.

Please remember that what goes into a box is based on what is donated. Often these come to a pantry from a food bank. All items are helpful but some are more helpful than others. Don't let it stop you from donating if  you can't get an item that's listed below. Truly, every little bit helps.

• People who receive food pantry boxes benefit most from items they can make a meal from. Examples would be canned or powered milk with a box of cereal, peanut butter with bread or crackers or spaghetti sauce and pasta. 
• Cans of soup are good but can usually only feed one person. The large envelopes that contain enough for a family are even better. 
• The item people most like to donate is veggies. It's no coincidence that it's also the basis of many food boxes. Flour, corn meal and cooking oil can help put a meal together. So can beans and rice. A casserole in a box that contains everything needed for a meal is better than a box of Hamburger Helper. 
• Moms often appreciate sugar drink mixes such as Kool-aid. This goes farther than soda and gives kids a change from water. It's also not likely to be donated to bee given in a food pantry box. 
• Cans of fruit are good. The best varieties are the ones kids are most likely to eat. 
• What poor people need in a food box contain luxuries that we usually take for granted. Toilet paper, paper towels, soap, dishwashing liquid, shampoo, toothbrushes and toothpaste are not covered by food stamps. Not every food pantry accepts these donations. Many do. Call the charity of your choice to double check before donating items.
• Macaroni and cheese is always good. The macaroni and cheese that doesn't need milk or butter are better than the ones that do.

I hope this gives you an idea of what's needed in a food pantry box. In a future blog post we'll look at a sample food box menu. In the meantime, this list is just a few ideas of what people need. As always, feel free to leave your comments below. They can be helpful to others.

Low income, poverty and food. Why poor people have bad eating habits

Watermelon Drop feeds poor in Campbell County, TN

To me, one of the most important things is for families to help each other. This includes families of communities. Maybe that's why I'm so proud of the Oak Ridge District of the United Methodist Church?

In July 2010, the United Methodist Men partnered with the Society of St. Andrew to bring a tractor trailer full of watermelons to Beaver Ridge UMC. At about 7:15 am that Saturday morning the church parking lot was bustling with activity. Volunteers came from all over the district to unload watermelons and carry them back to their communities.

Campbell County, Tennessee is one of the poorer of the state's counties. Parts of the county would be considered remote by many. Towns include Caryville, Jacksboro, LaFollette and Jelico. None of these cities are easily found on a map.

A group of 7 were at the drop site in Knoxville to bring watermelons home. The fruit filled the bed of more than one pickup truck. In all, over 100 melons were brought back to Jacksboro. The church had no problem finding families who needed the watermelons.

The following is a YouTube movie of the pick-up. (To protect the privacy of recipients the distribution of the melons at local churches is not shown.) You'll be able to sense the enthusiasm as volunteers from several towns and communities gathered to help one another. In all, as many as 4,000+ melons were given to people who need them. That's what I call teamwork.



Fruit is always a treat for families in poverty. Only rarely are fresh items ever given in a food pantry box. This makes the watermelon drop all the more meaningful.

More...
Examiner - Watermelon Drop

Low income, poverty and food. Why poor people have bad eating habits.

As wages shrink and unemployment is rampant there is more talk then ever about low income, poverty and food. People asking why poor people seem to have bad eating habits. This kind of talk makes me angry.

Instead of blaming poor people for not eating food that they can't afford we need to be asking a different question. How about, why is quality food so expensive that poor people can't buy it?

I've worked with low income people and those living in poverty for 15 years. I've seen people who are used to affording better food have to make tough choices when suddenly on food stamps. People say that you can eat healthy food when  you're on food stamps. I've just not seen it. 

I have seen grown people cry because they couldn't feed their families without going to a food pantry. I've seen people have to make decisions that others take for granted. 

Is it cheaper to buy paper plates or to buy soap and run up the water bill washing dishes? How do you buy soap, laundry detergent, softener, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper and toothbrushes when food stamps cover none of these and your unemployment barely covers electric, water and rent.

Why poor people have bad eating habits is obvious to anyone working with the low income and those in poverty. 

I'll never forget a client who came in on a Wednesday afternoon. She was typical but had an infectious smile that made her stand out. She had recently come out of a domestic violence shelter and was determined to do her best. But, her kids were coming home from school shortly and there was no food in the house. 

She was worried about feeding them breakfast and dinner through Friday evening. It would be Saturday before she could get her check cashed at the grocery or check store. In her pocket was $14 in dollars and change. It would do for food and gas for the rest of the week. After gas, she hoped for $10 for groceries. 

Meals would be needed for:

Wednesday night

Thursday morning and night

Friday morning and night

Saturday morning and maybe lunch (depending on when she could get her check cashed.)

Ten dollars for 6-7 meals for 3 people. You can do the math to how much that is per meal. Thankfully the kids were on free lunch. Going to a food pantry would mean time lost time from work and money out of her pocket. She couldn't make most food pantries. 

I'm pretty sure that she decided to get a eggs and a couple of loaves of white bread or about $3.50. (Those are staples among many of our clients.)

Eggs and bread would mean that her family of 3 could eat egg sandwiches, French toast, egg salad or eaten as eggs and toast. Most likely she picked up some mac and cheese and bologna (or hot dogs) for another $2.00 and maybe a half-gallon of milk for another $2.50. That's $8.00 and she's still short meals.

This is why poor people have bad eating habits. It's not because they are lazy or slow. It's because they are broke. The saddest thing about this scenario is that it's repeated week after week among our clients. 

Her job was from 8:30 - 5:00. It's an 8 hour shift but it means that she can't get to a food pantry without taking time off from work. Most are only for working hours during the week. 

Got any answers for her or for the many people who are like her? I don't. Please leave your answers in the comments section below.

Resources:
Associated Content
DocShop
USDA
Article updated 7-24-10 to provide additional links.

Homeless Shelters. Why won't the people come?

Finally there a blogger who understands the intricacies of working with people who are homeless! His article is linked below. You'll want to take a minute to read it.

It's not that homeless people don't want help (well some don't but that's a different blog article) but they need help that works. This means we have to listen and understand before riding in on our white horses.

People who are homeless are just like you and me. The only difference is that they don't have homes. We decide what we think they need and expect them to act accordingly. They try to tell us what they need. We walk away. It's like people who say "if you need help you can't get it". Sadly, this is often true. That's because we decide who needs help and who doesn't. We set up structures and rules and we expect everyone to understand them.

I helped at a food pantry in North Carolina one time. The organization also had a homeless shelter attached to it. Proper recordkeeping demanded that we fill out a card on every client. A volunteer adamantly thought that each person picking up a pantry bag should show ID and give us an address. In her mind, if someone didn't want to give this information they didn't need the food. If they could afford a cell phone they certainly didn't need a food pantry bag.

In reality she didn't understand the people she was trying to help.

Homeless people often don't have ID. They may have a cell phone - or even a camera phone - but that doesn't mean that there are minutes on it. It also doesn't mean that they are the ones paying the bill. Wouldn't you give your homeless relative a phone if you could? Most people would say yes.

Sometimes helping means thinking outside the box. A homeless couple stayed with us for a while. He had the possibility of a job. An interview had been scheduled and he was excited. He had also not had a bath in awhile. I asked what he needed to prepare for the interview. He asked me for $5. My board member got mad when I gave him the cash. The morning of his interview he went to a truck stop and bought a shower. Guess what? He got the job and isn't homeless anymore. He also repaid the $5.

The blog below offers more insight on people who are homeless. I hope you take a moment and read it. The article is worth the time.

earthtalk: Why won't the homeless go to the shelters?