Healing from back surgery is harder than I thought

I am still healing from surgery and am behind in almost everything. This has been a lot tougher than anyone in my family dreamed. John has a church that has been taking care of us. Frankly, I do not know where I would be without them. Restrictions make healing from back surgery awfully hard.

My car calls to me while sitting in the driveway. Driving it is off of the table until the drop foot issue gets better. It needs to be able to function better and regain feeling before that happens. Standing up and lying down don't work well either. However; physical therapy is bringing improvement.

The physical therapy session today was a bit rough but walking is easier overall. I can also stand easier and move my foot a tiny bit more. Everyone that I've talked with tells me that healing from back surgery takes time. It's been a month. Hopefully by next month the foot drop will resolve, my blogs will be caught up and life will resume as normal - or even a little better. That's what I'm planning on anyway.

Past abuse doesn't have to claim on your future

The other day I saw a photo of a lady who meant a lot to me. She passed away a few years ago. To this day I remember how she looked right before she died.

The photo that I'm referencing was taken when the lady was young and just beginning her family. From the day the photo was taken to the day she passed away she looked like she hadn't aged a day. Most of the time that statement is a complement. Not this time.

That's because she already looked much older than her years dictated. Missing is the radiance that most new mothers have. Gone is the expression from her face. Instead, she stands limply beside her husband. She resembles a rag doll or robot much more than she does a young woman.

Looking at the photo breaks my heart. I have heard the stories of abuse that she suffered while growing up. She used to say that she found healing in her marriage. Looking at the photo makes me wonder if she ever found what she was looking for.

There was help available but she wouldn't take it. Our relationship spanned more than a decade. She talked about counseling and knew it was there. Stubbornness kept her from trying counseling and I think that's what I mourn for her the most.

But, the decision to try counseling rested solely with her. Even though I feel that it might have helped it was her decision and hers alone. I encouraged her and I don't judge her. She was a wonderful person. I'm sad for her because, even though she was liked, her relationships with her family and friends suffered.

Abuse might have claimed your past but it has no right to your future. If you are free from abuse don't be her. If you think that counseling might help don't be afraid to try it. Crisis centers and shelters often have counseling and mental health centers offer it on a sliding scale. It might just help.

My Thankful List...

A few years ago I developed the habit of drawing up a "Thankful List" each Thanksgiving. Sometimes the list is longer than at other times. It gives me a chance to take stock of what's really important and refocus my energy.

As a survivor of sexual violence I believe that the Thankful List has helped with healing. Absolutely nothing that saps a person's spirit more than dealing with the aftermath of abuse. We didn't ask to be abused. It is so unfair!

Focusing on the unfairness gives the abuser undeserved power of us. It keeps us mired in the murky pit of destruction. Creating a Thankful List changes that. It helps us find the positive in life and keep going. If you don't have a list create one. It helps and it gives you something to fall back on during the bad days.

My Thankful List...

1) My family. Sometimes they drive me crazy but they are there and I love them.
2) My dog. Ok, technically he's my daughter's dog but when she's off at college I get to pretend he's mine.
3) My car. It protests but it gets me there.
4) Electricity. We have it. Some people don't. Often our clients fight to get it and then keep it.
5) Water. See electricity.
6) My laptop. It survived a fall to concrete. Without it I'd be lost (sometimes literally!).
7) The Bible. Sometimes I forget to read it but when I need it I can count on it the most.
8) My faith. (see Bible)
8) Friends. I could write volumes here. This year has taught me lessons about friendship that will last my entire life.

What will you have on your list?