Why my legs would not work

The nurse from my neurologist called two days before Christmas to give me the news. I was diagnosed with arthritic spinal stenosis. What this means is that the lumbar portion of my back has developed arthritis. What that isn't necessarily a huge problem in and of itself the biggie problem is the spinal stenosis part of the diagnosis.

I do not have a tumor (thank you God!) but this is not something that will go away. Worse, the diagnosis of arthritic spinal stenois means that I will have to work very hard to maintain functionality. A flare up can happen again at any time. Later on, life will mean a walker or other assistance will be necessary.

The diagnosis on why my legs wouldn't work is not the Christmas present that I was hoping for. It's a lot for me to process. Even more worse is that this may be exacerbated by an injury sustained several years ago during the attack. That pill may be the most bitter to swallow.

However; I feel fortunate to have survived the attack from 17 years ago. Major injuries happened to my head, liver and kidney. Although I want very badly to become angry about the diagnosis of spinal stenosis I cannot do so yet and maybe never will.

Right now, even though my legs sometimes don't work, even though having arthritic spinal stenosis sucks, I'm still glad to be alive. That's what my focus is going to stay on. I'm not saying that bad days aren't on the horizon or that life is always grand. It's just that my illnesses have never defined who I am. So, there is no reason to for the heath challenges to start defining me now.


  1. That is a lot for you to deal with - your last paragraph shows what a strong and positive spirit you have. My sister has this same problem, so I am a bit familiar with it. She, too, is determined to "keep on keeping on" even though some days that is far from easy. Blessings, Gayle, and know that I'll be lifting you up and believing for a complete recovery by the stripes of He who saves. rcj

  2. I'm so sorry. You know its okay to get angry. Its part of the mourning process, because then you can move on. You don't have to hold ON to that anger forever. Anger can be a tool, and I think at times people are too scared of it. Getting upset over a diagnoses should be natural don't you think? Once that settles its easier to move on, and deal with what needs to be dealt with. Nothing is under the surface any longer.

    I hope I make sense here. My prayers are with you!

  3. Thank you both for your support. It means a lot to know that I'm being lifted up. There are more doctors to see, and other tests to go through, before we get a better understanding of how to deal with it.

    The diagnosis has me extremely upset, I won't lie about it. At the same time it fills me with an urgency to move forward.

    We have my daughter's wedding to plan, speaking opportunities and travel experiences to live. Lots of good things down the road to concentrate on and I'm glad to have them to look forward to. I also covet both of your support and very much appreciate it.

  4. Gayle, I know how true something can come out of the blue and change our lives. My health has been an issue for quite some time and now that we are both retired, my hubby has MS. God only gives us what we can handle, just take care of yourself and continue His mission. You are most special to me and so many others. Love ya!! xoxoxo