3/16/2010

Domestic Violence 101 - The Honeymoon Phase

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Cycle Stage I: Honeymoon Stage

Just like in the beginning of a relationship all is sweetness and light. The abuser will do, say or promise anything.

The abuser may use phrases such as:
• I love you more than you'll know.
• I’m no good without you.
• No one will ever love you like I do.
• “Honey”, “Darling” or “Dear” are used often.

Flowers may arrive & public displays of affection are prominent. The victim may receive expensive or elaborate gifts. The abuser wants applause from the world for being a "good" person so they put their best face forward. This is also the stage where they are most likely to show up in church or public events with the victim.

Victims want to believe the abuser. They are either just getting to know each other or the victim wants to believe what the abuser is saying. Hints at furture abuse in this stage are often minimized or ignored.

It is also a time when the abuser may begin to isolate the victim.

The abuser may say things like:

• I love you so much. Don’t you want to spend time with me today?
• Don’t go to work today. Stay home.
• Why would you want to go to your mom’s when you can be here?
• Don’t you see how much I need you?
• Why don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you love me?

This makes it easier for the cycle to escalate.

There are tips for helping domestic violence victims and learning about the cycle of  domestic violence can help.

Note: In a cycle of domestic violence the honeymoon stage lessens and may disappear completely in a faster spinning spiral.



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